My explosive child
Bouncy Boy has stretched me to my limits in every way. I mean this in a good way. He has forced me to re-examine my most dearly-held assumptions and ideas about parenting. He has forced me to look at myself, my parenting skills, my attitudes, my expectations, in a different light. He has even — hold on to your hats — brought me to the point of actually reading a parenting book. Yes, a dreaded parenting book.
I’m reading The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, a book I’ve heard much about. I’m about halfway through. The best thing about it so far, is that the descriptions of the kids in it sound just like my little guy. JUST like. Also, the author does not get hung up on why some kids are like this. For whatever reason, they just are, and the purpose of this book is to offer a way of dealing with it.
“All children do well if they can,” says Dr. Greene, and I believe this implicitly. Bouncy Boy doesn’t want to misbehave. He doesn’t want to hurt people. He has a huge loving heart and he wants to be a good boy.
Another thing Dr. Greene says, which I also believe implicitly, is that these kids already know how they are supposed to behave. Of course Bouncy Boy knows it’s wrong to hurt people, it’s wrong to hit, it’s wrong to throw things, it’s wrong to use put-downs, it’s wrong to call people stupid idiots. This is not about teaching right from wrong or motivating good behavior. If it was, behavior charts, positive reinforcement, logical consequences, all those great things? They would work. (But they don’t.)
No, says Dr. Greene, what we need to do is teach our children the skill of thinking rationally even when they are frustrated. Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Bouncy Boy is ahead of the game, I think, in one respect. He is very good at auditory processing. He can hear even when he’s in meltdown mode. He may not be able to respond, but he can hear.
I’m eager to continue reading this book. It’s got some great ideas in it. I’ll report back when I’m finished.
