Life with an explosive child

Yesterday Hubs and I met with the psychologist, Dr. Sharon. She wanted to share her impressions and recommendations after the two sessions with Bouncy Boy. I am so glad we went to her. She really gave us a different way of thinking about our little guy. Here’s what she said:

1. Bouncy Boy probably does have ADHD, or something “quirky” in his wiring. Yes, he was incredibly well behaved in her office, and she didn’t see any of the high-energy, distracted, bouncing-off-the-walls type of behavior that we see at home. However, she said, his hyper-focus on the Legos is also consistent with ADHD. Hyper-focus and distractibility can be flip sides of the same coin.
2. He is not an “angry kid.” When he lashes out at people (verbally or physically) it is because he perceives that he is in danger. There is an anxious, defensive quality to it that feels like a “fight or flight” response to stress rather than some deep-seated hostility towards the world. He has been loved and nurtured all his life; he is not recovering from any traumatic experience; his demeanor in the office, the way he played with Legos, and the pictures he drew for her are totally normal and age-appropriate. His underlying issue looks a lot more like anxiety than anger management.
3. The reason he wrongly perceives that he is in danger is because of his quirky wiring. Whether he is in hyper-focus mode or bouncing off the walls mode, he is not picking up on all the cues because his attention is elsewhere. So he perceives danger, he lashes out in response, and then feels terrible afterwards.

Dr. Sharon’s interpretation feels soooo right to Hubs and me. I think she is absolutely correct that he is anxious, that he is misperceiving situations. When I think about all the times I’ve talked with Bouncy Boy about the difference between “by accident” and “on purpose” — and the way it never seems to stick — well, it makes perfect sense now.

So, here’s our plan. We are changing our insurance (open enrollment could not have come at a better time!) to one that will cover at least some portion of a neuropsych eval. I will call on Monday to start that process. I suspect it will be a couple of months at least before we can see the doctor, but that’s okay. We will use the interim time to work on giving Bouncy Boy a conceptual framework and vocabulary for discussing these issues. We will continue to see Dr. Sharon, because even if/when his “quirky wiring” gets fixed (medication? diet?) we will need her help to boost his self-esteem, poor little guy, and help him perceive and interpret those situational cues correctly. Not to mention figure out ways for his siblings to deal with him more constructively, too.

It wouldn’t have felt right to me to go directly to the neuropsychologist without taking this step first, but now I am eager to move forward. Thank you Dr. Sharon!