Life with an explosive child

For their first session together, Dr. Sharon and Bouncy Boy spent the entire hour sitting on the floor, talking and playing with Legos. I sat on the couch and mostly listened. Here are some of the points they touched on.

• Bouncy Boy never feels a little bit mad. His mad is all or nothing. There is no in-between.
• Things that make him mad? Being teased. Someone hurting him. Being told “no.” Transitions. Changes in plans.
• When he is mad, he feels it in his heart. And it has a color. The maddest is red, slightly less mad is grey. Calmer is blue, and the calmest is green.
• You can make your body feel calm, even when you’re angry, by taking deep breaths. Inhale from your diaphragm, exhale slowly with a sigh.

– — –

“Is there anything that helps you to keep your temper?” Dr. Sharon asked.

“Yes,” said Bouncy Boy. “Sometimes I tell myself that I have to keep my temper so I won’t get in trouble. And sometimes my mom says, ‘sweetheart, don’t lose your temper.’”

“Okay,” said Dr. Sharon, writing it all down. “So… sometimes you remind yourself, and it also helps when someone else reminds you.”

“No, no,” Bouncy Boy clarified. “It helps when my mom says ‘sweetheart, don’t lose your temper.’ She has to say sweetheart or it doesn’t work.”

“Ohhhh. So it’s not the reminder that helps. It’s the gentle, loving words from your mom that remind you how much she loves you. When you feel loved and safe, it’s easier to keep your temper.”

“Uh-huh,” said my sweet precious boy, not even looking up from the Legos.